Opinion Poll

Opinion Poll

Quentin Smeltzer, SmeltzerNation, 7/8/10

Yesterday a research firm called to conduct an opinion poll.  I love to participate in these surveys because I believe that my views can bend the current “lunacy curve” toward my own brand of nuttiness. 

The very first question the pollster asked was, “Do you write a blog in which you frequently state political views?”  When I answered yes, the interview was over. 

Apparently the opinions of people willing to state their opinions are not opinions of value.  So I’ve decided to conduct my own research poll of myself.

 Do you believe that John McCain is a spineless, pandering weasel? 

Only if you look at his record.

Can you imagine a worse politician than John McCain?

Yes, J.D. Hayworth.

 Do you believe that the way out of the current economic crisis is to cut taxes for the rich?

Oh yes, please, sir, may I have another?

Do you agree with the Tea Party that the role of the federal government should be dramatically reduced?

Absolutely:  Roads, education, social security and healthcare are for weenies. 

Do you believe that the United States should withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan?

No!  We need to increase exports, not decrease them, and our number one export these days is war, isn't it?  

Do you think Linda McMahon will make a good senator for Connecticut?

Yes, she wants to cut taxes, eliminate regulations on business and drill, baby, drill: you know; the policies that worked so well for George W. Bush. 

Do you think Attorney General Dick Blumenthal lied when he spoke of serving in Viet Nam?

Man, we were all in Nam!  [cue “All Along the Watchtower” by The Jimi Hendrix Experience]

What is the current, number-one concern facing this nation?

Where Lebron James will play basketball.

If you could make one change to affect the future of the United States for the better, what would it be?

Revert to the original thirteen colonies. 

Do you believe in capital punishment?

Only for Texans.

What recent criticism of President Obama from the right has been most damaging?

That he plays golf. 

What do you think is the single biggest hope the Democrats have for retaining their majorities in the House and Senate?

Michael Steele.

Do you think consideration of skin color has any place in our politics?

Only if you are talking about Representative John Boehner of Ohio.